Hissy Hissy, Give Us A Kissy « Thread Started on Jul 20, 2007, 10:28am »
I... can't believe it... Dumbledore is... dead. How is that even possible. Dumbledore and dead in the same sentence should be a contradiction, but it's not. The greatest wizard of the age... dead. The very Earth is mourning.
I was away... I didn't catch the message to rally at Hogwarts. Sadri either. I knew though. I knew when it happened. Cursed sight! Why couldn't it have shown it to me before hand, not when it was happening? I saw the whole thing, I saw Dumbledore murdered by Severus Snape and there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it. I was so many miles away. It was unfair.
I have been having nightmares for a couple of months now, sight nightmares. I told Dumbledore, but he didn't seem to mind them. I never saw him die. I should have known something was going to go down, I've had this dreadful feeling for days.
After the emergency meeting at the Ministry, I went back to headquarters. Remus and Minerva told me to stay there and tell any Order members who showed up what had happened.
Fred Weasley showed up. I felt bad, his brother had been attacked by a werewolf, though not in full form. I... cried in front of him... something I usually don't do. I just felt like I could... He was so comforting and everything. Actually... I'm rather confused. I just don't know how to behave around him. It must be because we are old rivals.
Sadra
« Last Edit: Nov 5, 2007, 10:37pm by Sadra Ticey »
Re: Hissy Hissy, Give Us A Kissy « Reply #1 on Nov 5, 2007, 6:15pm »
Gone... I can't believe she's gone... How can she be gone? The one person I thought would never leave me has left me forever... She left so quickly... in the blink of an eye... Why did she have to go? Why couldn't I see it?
But I did see it... I just didn't know... And I told her... Damnit... I told her...
Part of me wants to refuse to believe it... Like denying that it happened will make it not true... But it won't...
I don't... I don't want to feel anymore... or care... All they bring is pain... If I don't care, I can't form attachments, and if I can't feel then I won't feel the pain of losing those attachments... It's just easier to be alone... That way no one else can leave me anymore...
Adrien... If I ever see him again... Well, let's just say that there won't be much left to see when I'm through with him... He killed her... He whom she loved... He that supposedly loved her... With her dying breath, she told us that she loved us... Part of that breath seems wasted now... because it was on him... As if stealing my sister from me wasn't enough, he had to steal her last breath from me as well...
...Red... It was always red... All along... Her hair was always red... She did so much for me... So many little things... And none of it even matters now... I'll never forget them though... or her...
I wish that I was a more avid writer in this diary... Maybe then I could have documented her last few months on Earth... As it is... I can recall so little... Funny how that works... I thought I'd have her forever, so I didn't pay much attention... And now she's gone for good and I wish I had...
How can I ever go back to the way things were? How can I pick up where I left off? Now I understand where the despair I felt with Fred came from... It was a little glimmer of the future... A future I wish I'd never met... Poor Fred... He could have lost Ginny... But Sadri saw to it that that didn't happen... That is the only happy thought I can think about Sadri's death...
I don't know how to go on... I don't know how to live anymore... I feel like half of me just died... Like half my mind was taken from me... We used to joke all the time... I'd tell the joke and she'd say the punchline... What's a joke without a punchline? Things will never be the same...
I suppose the best thing to do is to shut everything out... everyone... Shut out all the pain... all the fear... all the care... all the worry... It doesn't matter anymore... Sadri's... gone... and I've got nothing left... Do I?
Sadra
« Last Edit: Nov 5, 2007, 10:37pm by Sadra Ticey »
Re: Hissy Hissy, Give Us A Kissy « Reply #2 on Apr 30, 2009, 2:49pm »
Words can't describe how much I miss her, but I know she wouldn't want me to wallow in my misery. She'd want me to move on, live my life for the both of us. And when I die, I'm sure she'll be waiting there to tell me off for not having enough fun.
She'd have been absolutely thrilled to know that she helped get Fred and I back together. I'm sure that if she'd been there, she would have offered to die again for that cause. It's easier when I think about her this way. As if she's not gone, but simply at the party that I haven't quite made it to yet. I know she'd never really leave me, and that's all that matters.
The questions I keep asking myself are, "Where do I go from here?" and "What do I do next?" But I suppose I had the answer all along. I do what I've always done, and if that doesn't work, then I'll make it up as I go along and hope that everything turns out all right. It's what she would have done.
Recently, it occurred to me just how long Sadri had known this was coming. I'd been having undefined nightmares for ages, and even if I didn't flat out tell her in my sleep, she might have suspected anyway. I'd like to think that she gradually let me get used to the idea of living on my own. What with the going undercover where I rarely got to see her, and then spending (more time than I initially realized) with a certain someone, whose name I refuse to record in this diary again. All year, she'd been slowly separating herself from me, making me stand on my own two feet. It helped more than I could have known, but nothing will ever make it any less painful.
Sadri gave so much to me, and now I plan on returning the favor, moreso even, than when she was alive. I won't let anything hold me back anymore. I've changed, for the better, I hope. Fred was right when he said that none of us would come out of this the same. But when life deals you your hand, you play your cards the best you can and hope to God that they fall for your bluff.
Sadra
« Last Edit: Apr 30, 2009, 7:11pm by Sadra Ticey »
![[Home]](http://s1.images.proboards.com/menu/home.gif)
![[Help]](http://s1.images.proboards.com/menu/help.gif)
![[Search]](http://s1.images.proboards.com/menu/search.gif)
![[Login]](http://s1.images.proboards.com/menu/login.gif)
![[Register]](http://s1.images.proboards.com/menu/register.gif)
![[Search This Thread]](http://s1.images.proboards.com/search2.gif)
![[Reply]](http://s1.images.proboards.com/buttons/reply.gif)
![[Send Topic To Friend]](http://s1.images.proboards.com/buttons/sendtopic.gif)
![[Print]](http://s1.images.proboards.com/buttons/print.gif)
Author
![[avatar]](http://i33.photobucket.com/albums/d81/Dead_roses89/KirstenDunst1.png)
![[msn]](http://s1.images.proboards.com/msn.gif)
![[aim]](http://s1.images.proboards.com/aim.gif)
![[Quote]](http://s1.images.proboards.com/buttons/quote.gif)
Logged![[image]](http://www.geocities.com/lollshif/ticeys.png)
![[image]](http://i209.photobucket.com/albums/bb17/Massanie_Tinuviel/Icons/everywhere.jpg){kind=icon}
![[image]](http://i219.photobucket.com/albums/cc34/ElisaHP/thonspidermanset49.png)
![[image]](http://i219.photobucket.com/albums/cc34/ElisaHP/kirsten_dunst.jpg)
![[image]](http://i219.photobucket.com/albums/cc34/ElisaHP/sad.jpg)